Something deep inside of me wants to do everything I know I shouldn’t.
It feels like my heart is fighting my head.
My heart: I want to quit. I want to drop out. I want to give up all possessions like a monk, live in a van, and just surf. I hate ‘the system’ so much I want to live outside of it; in either defiance or intentional ignorance of it.
My head: I want to be a contributing member of society. I want security – a stable job and weekly routine. I must be practical, living within the means of how the world really works.
In my heart I’m brave and adventurous. In my mind I’m scared and timid.
This tug of war is endless because it’s a balanced match. On one side energy comes from a pure internal source – the inspiration and bottomless determination the best athletes of all time are born with. That fire. It’s what kept Viktor Frankl alive through 3 years in internment camps and allowed Ernest Shackelton to save his crew against all odds after being stranded in Antarctica.
The other side is fueled externally, like Ivan Drago in Rocky IV, who has all the tools and support needed to become superhuman. The latest tech, money, coaches… all fabricating motivation (but real motivation nonetheless).
This fight between head and heart, I imagine, is life long.
A good surf session will suppress it. A great surf session can make it disappear entirely, but never for long. Inevitably the head and heart clash again… and so the search for the perfect ride continues.